fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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