I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
