Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
