Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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