gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
