yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
