The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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