I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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