Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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