"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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