I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
