Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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