I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize