this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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