So drunk its hurt
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
