I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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