story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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