someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
