I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
