Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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