So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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