Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
