but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
