Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
