Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
