You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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