Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
