take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
