Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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