I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
