im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
