It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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