I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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