so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
