His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
