my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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