my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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