i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
