Acid is not a monday night drug
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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