yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
