I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
