I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
