you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
