she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I enjoy the company of your penis
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