If i come over, it means nothing
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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