She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So here I am, sexting at work.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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