Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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