i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
