did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
