go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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