My room smells like vodka and shame
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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