she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
