i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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