Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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