Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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