No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
