ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize