you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
