I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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