You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
