You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
