i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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