that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
