What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
be right there i have to get my cape
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
