You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
