saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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