You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
