if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
