very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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