it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
