Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
