So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
