you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
