Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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