So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
