There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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