I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
