I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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