Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
