Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
